thanks, but no thanks.

hello, little voice inside my head.
please stop confusing me.
no means no.

regardless of how great i think i would be as a Pediatrician,
i cannot....
i will not.....
i REFUSE to subject myself to that much pain and discomfort on the daily.
nope.
not gonna happen.

and yes, i love the shit outta some kids.
and yeah, they mostly love me.
and the parents seem to think i am pretty neat.
but all that being said, i should not...
i cannot...
i will not....
i REFUSE to leave work crying.
and i am not going to be the person who dreads waking up in the morning because it means i have to go to work.

no thanks. not gonna happen.

so thank you, medical school, for exposing me to the field of Pediatrics.
and thank you HUCLA, for showing me the reality of childhood illness.
and thank you, everyone who saw me in action, for letting me be me.
i wish i was stronger and capable of detaching myself from my feelings.
but as it turns out, i am just not built that way.
and that is ok.

so farewell, my dream of becoming the world's greatest Pediatrician.
thanks, but no thanks.

... and hello Ob/Gyn... it looks like we're in it for the long haul...
and i'm in it to win it.

this is gonna be an amazing journey.
i hope it lands me close to home.