the process

... it comes in waves.
i find myself alone and feeling fine. strong. empowered. in faith.
and then it washes over me. like a trickle of ice cold water down my spine.
reminding me that i am made of flesh and bone. and that i feel pain.
and then it comes... the sadness. the fear.
and with it comes the loneliness. and the silence, so loud it rings in my ears.
it comes and knocks me down as though i were made of straw.
and i fall. hard.
i double over in pain so deep it can only be as a result of something beautiful.
only something of great beauty could cause this much agony.
it hurts.
and then, just when i think i might not see the other side, it's gone.
and i am left reeling and exhausted.
my eyes swollen from the rush of tears they have just been forced to endure.
my chest, heaving from the lack of breath.
and i am alright. safe. alone. unafraid.
taking comfort in the fact that i have been through worse and come out the other side a better Me.
it will be ok. it IS ok. i am ok.
i am whole.

ever grateful, for the process... the good and the bad,
C.