sometimes

sometimes i forget all the reasons why we are doing this.
and then i remember.

sometimes i fantasize about taking another trip with you.
and then i remember our last trip together.

sometimes i think about how i could be all the things you want me to be.
and then i remember how much i matter to me. and how i can't be true to one of us without lying to the other.

sometimes it hurts so bad.
and then it subsides and it is all ok.

sometimes i wish this would end so i could just go back to my life.
and then i remember... this is all part of my reality.
... and in order to appreciate all that i will have, i need to fully experience all that i am losing.

i miss you everyday.
it hurts a little everyday.
i cry a little everyday.
soon it will stop, i know...
...but right now i am still healing.