feeling good. it's nice.

lately i have been feeling really good. relaxed. and honestly, it's a little freaky.
i'm really used to feeling anxious and agitated... medical school will do that to you.
(my little adrenal glands have taken a hit over the past few years.)
but over the past few weeks/months, i've been feeling great.
more serene.
more comfortable.
less freaked-out.
it's really really nice.
and people are noticing.
one of my dearest friends said i looked calm. (weird!)
another friend told me i radiate love and warmth. (super-weird!!)
as odd as these things sound coming from my friends,
these are things i have always wanted!
i shared recently, that i was able to soothe myself through a pretty dark moment.
again, this is something i have always wanted... to hold my own hand when shit goes awry.
what a gift!!.. and it has only taken 11 years to get to this place.
no matter.
however long it takes, the ability to feel comfortable in yourself is a blessing. and i realize this.
and while i am the first to admit that i don't 'live' in this place...
that i have moments where i doubt myself and that there are times when i am scared and uncomfortable,
this feeling of unease is not my constant state anymore.

for lack of a better way to put it:
it's REALLY nice. and i like it. a lot.