so much has happened...

it's been a hot minute since i posted... so here goes it.

hi everyone. or no one. it's hard to say. no matter...
hi. :)

a lot has happened since i last wrote something....
this is what has happened in the past 2 weeks:
i cut off a person's toe. pretty much all by myself.
i helped saw off another person's foot.
i had the honor and privilege of telling a guy in his 20's (and his wife) that he is going to die of metastatic stomach cancer.
i helped countless people change their wound dressings.
i witnessed innumerable trauma situations, including an execution-style gun shot wound to the head.
i stayed overnight at the hospital thrice.
i put in IV's and drew up arterial blood gases.
i broke down and cried hysterically (and out of proportion for what was happening at the time).
i called my mommy. and she brought me soup.
i turned 11 and got caked by my 5 favorite women.
and, finally, i studied and studied for many many days in a row.

in fact, i'm studying right now... well not this second, but you get the gist.

i can't believe my experiences over the past weeks... it's crazy.
it's been overwhelming.
and while i am strangely disconnected from what has been going on around me (more people have died on my service in the past 2 weeks than on any other rotation) i have been getting more joy out of my work. and it is making my day.
i didn't have this experience when i was at the other hospital.
probably because i wasn't in the trenches, like i've been for the past 2 & 1/2 weeks.
it's made the hugest difference!
and to top it all off, i was on the most amazing team ever.
these guys are awesome.
they helped me get involved, they encouraged me to learn and try new things, and they were super friendly.
they ALMOST made me want to do surgery for a living...
(but the lifestyle is shit and i don't think i would be OK if i did.
plus, i told the guys that i'm 'too dainty' for general surgery. they laughed. but it's true.)
so my previous career choice is gonna stick.
even thought now i am leaning more towards Gyn, because it is more surgical.
and i officially heart surgery. with my heart. :)
plus: Gyn is girly surgery. which feels like a better fit for me.
yeah.

so now that i am almost half way done with my school year,
and i am almost done with the surgical part of the year,
i am faced with a sadness:
i am going to miss surgery TERRIBLY.
so instead of sitting idly by, and watching as surgery leaves my life, i decided to take matters into my own hands:
i asked my chief if i could hang out with him starting in January.
and he said 'yes'.
this guy is one of the best teachers i've had in ages. i can tell that he has a passion for teaching.
because every opportunity he got, he showed me something new and explained it in terms i could understand and relate to.
it was wonderful. and i am über grateful for him and the fact that he said i could spend time with him after this rotation is over.
i am super stoked. not only because i get to operate with him some more, but also because i didn't want my OR time to end.
i NEED to be in the OR. otherwise i'm just not happy.
it's nice to know that about myself.

who knew that i would love surgery this much?!
not me. seriously. it's wonderfully shocking.

so i guess, on that note, i'll get back to studying for my surgery exam. i really hope i pass... i'm dreading it.

goodnight world.
wish me luck!