this. is.

this. is. my. day.

it is amazing that i am awake and coherent right now.
i woke up at 3:45 a.m., was at the hospital by 5 a.m., left work at almost 6 p.m., and got home about an hour ago @7:15 p.m.
that, my friends, is a long ass day. 16 hours to be exact. and now i need to study before bed, and then wake up tomorrow to do it all over again.

the weird part is that while most people would be hating on the idea of waking up at such an unGodly hour to go to work, i am actually stoked to go back to the hospital.

this. is. awesome.

today, i felt useful. needed. i was part of the team. they counted on me to do stuff, and they let me do whatever i wanted... i put in an IV today, i saw a patient on my own and came to a diagnosis, i filled out admission paperwork, and all i had to do was ask.

i told them i want to amputate something while i am on this rotation... they said 'cool'. chances are i will be cutting off a part of someone's leg in the next couple of days.

this. is. madness.

i only wish i would have had this experience from the beginning. i probably would have liked the rest of my surgery rotation more than i did. i felt like i was in the way most of the time. best described by one of the interns on my service as: "3rd year medical students: when helping hurts." i totally felt like i didn't have a clue what i could do to be helpful. now, i realize it is, for once, all about me. whatever i want to be involved in, is where i need to be. chances are i should have been doing something else while i was putting in a line today, but i wanted to place that IV... so i did. meah.

this. is. selfish?

i dunno. but regardless of what it is or is not, i am feeling wonderful right now. stoked. happy to be where i am. even though i know i will be exhausted in a couple of days. it is all going to be worth it.

this. is. joy.