mmmmmmm.

there's nothing quite like the sound and smell of the ocean at night.
i remember being on the cruise ship over the summer and sitting out on the balcony at night.
and listening as the water went rushing by.
it's pretty magical. (yup, i went there... to cheese-town)

it's been a while since i came down here on my own.
the peace isn't as overwhelming as it used to be.
the calm isn't so unsettling anymore.
it's really nice.

tonight was weird.
the meeting felt unusual.
empty yet crazy...
a little maddening.

but it was nice to see him.
it always is.
he is so kind to me.
especially when i need a little reassurance...

it's the worry...
i have been feeling so nervous about all of it.
which is fine... it is what it is.
but i know he can sense it on me.
and i don't want to burden him with that.
so i decided to do what i promised myself i would do.
i stayed true to myself and told him where i am at.
which was huge.
and again, he met me with kindness and warmth.
i am feeling pretty lucky right now.

i know that the only thing that is constant is change.
so i am fully aware that things will continue to change and grow and evolve...
i'm not that naïve. (yes, i just used a diaeresis)
i just hope that everything works out in a way that makes us both happy.
Both of us.
whatever that looks like.

for now, it's great.
and i think we are both into each other in just the right way.
and i don't see this getting fucked up because of any stupid shit.
it's me and him and Everyone else doesn't matter.
as it should be.

Yay.