Monday, June 14, 2010

so i am trying to feel powerful... u kno... full of power...

today i want to feel like i have some control over what happens in my life.
even though i know i am kidding myself into thinking i have any control over anything but my actions.
so that is what i will do. i will control my actions today.
i will take care of myself today.
i will work hard today.
and i will know that i did my best today.
that i tried with all my might to be the best Me i can be.

and i do this, not because i want to make anyone proud,
i do this because i know it will make me feel complete. and strong.
and powerful.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

so, i'm back

i'm back from the cruise vacation i was supposed to take with you.
i dreamt of you while i was there. it was a bad dream...
not because you were in it, but because it made me feel bad.
but it's ok.

i'm glad i got to go on the trip but there were moments that i wish you were there.
with me.
holding me. giggling with me. loving me.

i still miss you... i wish i could stop the feelings i have.
perhaps i am overwhelmed because i am back. here. in my reality.
but maybe i just still miss you and that is ok too.