Saturday, July 23, 2011

it's gonna be different.

this day.
this night.
this moment.

this relationship.

this rotation.
this exam.
this degree.

it's all going to be different.
and i am glad.
because everything leading up to this has been a lesson.
preparing me for change.
for the newness of it all.
and the newness is glorious.

i have not walked into this blind.
i have seen this change coming for some time.
i anticipated it.
and i welcomed it with open arms, an open mind, and an open heart.

i no longer fear change.
because it has proven itself to be beautiful.
seriously beautiful.

i'm so glad i have walked the path that has led me to this point.
my life is different today.
it has grown and is full of beauty and love and gratitude.

and i am so glad i have someone to share it with.
it makes me super happy.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

our little hearts

so i can barely believe that my life is this full of love.
it's so much love, that i feel like my little heart is going to explode.
in a good way.

my friends are super supportive and make time to see me,
even though my schedule is complete shit.
my mom is incredible and she is always there for me...
no matter what.
and then there is my fella.
who never makes me feel like i'm doing it wrong.
he lets me feel my feelings, even when they are ridiculous.
he is showing me love in a way i have never known.
he comforts me. he soothes me. and he supports me in everything i do.
he is perfect. and i can't believe how important we are to each other.
it's the most beautiful relationship i have ever had the privilege to share.
and i don't know if anything will ever hold a candle to this. ever.
the level of understanding we have for each other is lovely.
and our respect for each other is amazing.
the way he looks into my eyes... sometimes i swear he is looking right at my soul.

i know it's still early, and while i'm truly enjoying every moment we get to share with each other,
it takes effort, at times, to stay in the moment.
with him.
given that i feel the way i feel.
but if i know anything for sure, it is that our respective HPs have a lot of love for us.
because they have given us to each other in the most remarkable way.
and we are lucky to have stumbled into each other.
i am so grateful!!!
i feel like i am being given a gift everyday...
i hope i make him feel the same way.
because his little heart is beautiful.
and it should feel like it is about to explode too.
in a good way.
from the love.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

just remember this:

as i lay my head down on my pillow to go to sleep tonight...
i am thinking about shit i have no business thinking about.
which is DEFINITELY NOT the way to go.

i am losing my grip on reality.
and it sucks.

so for now,
i think i need to remember that i am awesome
and that the past has nothing to do with me
and my present and future are all that matters.

because the past will not change.
and i have everything i want and/or need.
and i will not be comforted with the knowledge of what has been.
because i really don't want to know.

so if i can remember anything in this moment...
it's this:
mind your own business, Carla.
everything else has nothing to do with you.
leave it alone.
and go to sleep.
you need the rest.