Monday, October 18, 2010

i forget

i tend to forget that people notice my awesomeness,
i am kindly reminded from time to time that people are watching me and they like what they see.
integrity rules, and apparently, so do i.
:)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

temperance

you know,
... all i wanted was a modicum of self-restraint.
that was all i thought i needed.
just a hint of moderation in my life.

but here i am, with years of time under my belt...
and i have been given this huge and unexpected gift.

not only have i learned what it means to be here, in this moment, devoid of fear...
but i have also been handed a life larger and fuller than i am able to manage in and of my self.
and thanks to it all, i am not afraid to live it.

moderation is for suckers.
balls to the wall...
this is how i am living my life.
taking risks.
fucking up.
learning lessons.
going to bed comfortable and waking up whole.

so fuck temperance. fuck moderation. i'm here to live to the fullest.
and because of my clarity and right-mindedness, it is likely that i'll be around for a long time to enjoy it.
sweet.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

lucky

i am so incredibly lucky.
i take so much for granted.
i want so much,
and forget to say thank you for what i've got.

i want to take a moment today. here. in quasi-public.
to say... Thank You.

thanks to my friends who keep me standing and honest.
thanks to my mother who keeps me safe and healthy.
thanks to my classmates who keep me focused and ambitious.
thanks to my fellows who keep me in my own skin.
and last, but not least, thanks to my HP because everything i am and everything i do is because i am lucky enough to do it.
and I don't really believe in luck.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

hey, mister!... i totally touched your jugular!

so here i was...
all up in this guy's neck.
for realz.
no exaggeration.
all the way down to the bone.
tearing the cancer out of his face....
...ever-so-gently.

and all i could think was...
that is TOTALLY his jugular vein...
and i NEED to touch it.

so i did.

i caressed it gently...
cuz what other way is there to touch a guy's jugular?

and all i can think now is...
i am probably gonna be one of the only people in the world to EVER touch his jugular vein.

i am officially rad.

my life is amazing and i need to STFU whenever i think of all the stuff in my life that irritates me....
because when it comes down to it, my life blows most peoples' lives out of the water.
boom.
i win.

and i'm ├╝ber grateful for all of it.

(thank you, HP)

Monday, October 4, 2010

quit it!

just quit it, ok?
i need to have my own thing here...
and i keep seeing your face.
granted, it's getting easier...
i don't miss you as much today.
in fact, i hardly miss you at all at the moment.
what a relief!
and now i'm getting fed up with your presence.
meah!
i'm really glad we are friendly towards one another.
it does bring joy to my heart.
but don't confuse my niceness for necessity.
i'm moving on. i have to.
and if only you knew what my heart wanted...
you might not be so nice.

but whatever the case may be,
we are both here to stay.
and i wouldn't want anything to wreck what we had & now have.
so i will continue to sincerely smile at you with my eyes.
and you will continue to crash my meetings.
and we will all get along just fine.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

perfect.

everything happens for a reason.
and it's amazing.

i forget that this is my reality.

in my life, everything is as it should be.
completely incomplete...
but just enough... no more, no less.

i'm not ready.
and my HP knows it.

so i am presented with this.
and this is perfect.

it is safe.
and warm.
and sincere in its kindness and grace.

but it is not for me.
not right now.
it is unavailable and just out of reach.
perfect.

just as i sit here, feeling as i do...
not quite put back together yet...
I feel perfectly imperfect.

cracked, but not broken.
alone, but not lonely.
lovable, but not truly loved.

it's bittersweet, but it is seriously perfect.

my life blows my mind all the time.
today is just another day that i am reminded how great it is to be me.
just me.
nothing more.

and all i need is within me.
and that is a beautiful thing.