Saturday, October 1, 2011

wondering if i'm ruining

so, i've been told time and time again that i think too much.
and that i worry too much.
and so on.

but do i?
do i, really??


for the past few days i've been in the throws of a smothering.
i am officially smothering my relationship.
and i wish i could stop.
but i'm stuck.
because i need his help.

and even though i totally realize that if the tables were turned,
i wouldn't hesitate to help him the way he is helping me,
i can't help but feel like every night we spend together
is just one step closer to killing the spark that remains in our relationship.

i hear him tell me it's fine.
i hear him when he says everything is ok between us.
i hear him.
but inside me something is screaming,
"leave! go sleep in your car! go anywhere else! you're ruining it!!"
my mind is clearly a jerk.
and i clearly have trust issues.
but all that being said,
i wish i could quiet the feeling inside me that is telling me that with each passing night
he is falling just a little more out of love with me.

which is more than likely not true.
so the real question becomes...
why do i choose to believe the worst things my brain tell me?
instead of choosing to believe the man who loves me?
i wonder.

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