Sunday, June 19, 2011

good job

it's really all i need... a little bit of positive reinforcement on a job well done.
it makes me feel like all the hard work i'm putting in is worth it.
i know i should be able to validate myself in this way,
but when i don't really know what it means to do well in my daily work,
it's really reeeally nice when someone takes 2 seconds to tell me i am doing well.

yesterday at the hospital, i was told that i was doing a good job.
by 2 different people.
2 words, and my day got way better.
i have been busting my ass for 6 weeks.
i was basically treated like a turd on the bottom of your shoe for 4 out of those weeks.
and then today, 2 weeks in to the 2nd half of my IM rotation i was given some positive reinforcement.
and it felt as though no one had said 'good job' to me in forever.
i KNOW this isn't true...
i'm not deluding myself; it just came at a good time...
i was post-call and only got a few hours of sleep,
and was really hustling all day to make sure my interns didn't have to work too hard to manage my patients.
i can only do SO much, since my signature is only valid at the cafeteria & gift shop,
but i did as much as i could so they only had to sign off on stuff vs. having to fill out a shit-ton of paperwork and run around like crazy people.
i want them to count on me.
so that i can show them (and me) what i am truly capable of.
in only 2 short years i am going to be a real doctor.
which is exciting and scary.
and i want my colleagues to know that i can do it and that i will do it well.

i know people can tell that i care.
it is the only area i consistently feel that i shine... my patient interaction is amazing...
mostly because i Really Do care and i try to show it to my team in addition to showing my patients.
and while my whole team doesn't necessarily feel this way
(one of my residents pretty much talks to me like i am wearing a helmet and i rode the short bus to the hospital),
i know i am gaining their trust and that i am learning a whole lot in the process.

this year is looking like it is going to end well.
and i can hardly believe that i am almost a 4th year medical student!
Good Job, Me.
I'm REALLY Doing It!!!

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