Tuesday, May 17, 2011

i think i need a moment.

so i'm sitting in my living room, trying to figure out how the eff i'm supposed to learn all this medical stuff.
it's seriously overwhelming and it makes me want to take a nap... really really hard.

i know i'm never gonna know it all.
this is a fact.
i'm a 3rd year medical student, and people that have been practicing for years don't even know it all by memory.
i know this.
but it is still a daunting task.
because the exam i have to take in a few weeks doesn't care that my brain can't fit all this information in it.
and it doesn't care that i seem to have a terrible memory lately.
it is merely a hurdle i'm gonna have to clear.
and i want to clear it with room to spare.

so here i am.
in fear.
and sleepy.

what do i do?!

i do the thing i've been taught to do.
i take a minute.
i breathe... deeply.
i pray a little.
i sit with it.
and then i discard the fear... or at least TRY to.
for my own sake.
because the fear doesn't serve me.
it addles me unnecessarily.
it makes me feel like i can't do it.
even though i know i can.
i have done it before.
and i can do it again.
i am capable.
and i have a whole years worth of exams to prove it.
so i am writing in an attempt to remind myself that i need to take a moment to settle in and settle down.
cuz my HP has got me in the most incredible way.
and i am not alone.
and i will be OK no matter what.
and THAT is ALSO a fact.

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